Left Behind My Suicide Survivor Story eBook Vanessa Bednar
Download As PDF : Left Behind My Suicide Survivor Story eBook Vanessa Bednar 
This edition contains 20 pages of photos of my life.
During the fifteen years before my father’s deliberate, yet tragic suicide, I had a fairytale childhood. Our spacious house, built by my father, was located between both sets of my grandparents’ homes. All my emotional and material needs were met. But when changes started happening with my dad, I didn’t notice them . . . until I willfully disobeyed him, lied to him and betrayed him, for which he shunned me. From my teenager point of view, “that” started a downward spiral, with the end being his suicide a bullet, a hanging, and my perfect childhood home on fire.
For various reasons, I believed all of this was my fault, and “going on” afterward seemed impossible. So much of “what happened” was immediately put in a box. Throughout the 20 years of the guilt sentence I gave myself, I opened the box time and time again, taking out the pieces of what I’d experienced, examining them and learning what I could about resolving them within myself. Now, having documented it all in this book, the box is open, for all to see. No more secrets.
I want to be clear that in many ways my story is like two different books. This book details my life, my fathers suicide, and after the death. My adult life contains many adventures, and part of which includes an extensive career working for the Hawaiian Tropic Model Search. Every choice I have made in my life and how I have reacted to all situations have been influenced by my fathers suicide in one way or another. I have no doubt about that. I still think about my fathers death every day.
I believe this book can be of great service to those who have lost a loved one to suicide by helping them release their guilt, find what will bring them joy and go on to live a freer, more fulfilled life.
www.leftbehind-abookforsuicidesurvivors.com
Left Behind My Suicide Survivor Story eBook Vanessa Bednar
This author remembers her childhood as a time of excitement and privilege. Her parents grew up next door to each other. After the birth of his daughter, her father built on the vacant lot between the two sets of grandparents. It was the uniting of two clans, just like a fairy tale. Even better, she was a Daddy's girl whose father indulged her with lavish gifts and made it plain that she (not her mother) was the important female in his life. She didn't think it was strange that she and her mother weren't allowed to cut their hair or that her father controlled every penny, even his wife's salary. That was just the way it was.Then her father quit his job and became even more controlling. Unfortunately, his little girl had become a teenager with a mind of her own. One act of defiance was all it took. His daughter was now "dead" to him. In the ultimate act of revenge, he committed suicide. His only child was sixteen years old and spent the next twenty years hating herself for "killing" her father.
I read the first version of this book in June and I think the new edition is improved. The story is still somewhat rambling, but the author has included some new insights into both her actions and those of her parents. She has pieced together the history of her parents and their families bit by bit over decades, as to some extent we all do. In her case the information came from relatives reluctant to remember or talk about old shames and scandals. She has come to realize that both sides of her family were dysfunctional. Her father's family has a history of addiction, mental illness, and suicide. Her mother (raised by a generous, but domineering father and a passive mother) was unable to stand up for herself and demand respect.
The book is a compelling read because Ms. Bednar is unflinchingly honest in talking about her childhood, marriage, and raising her own children. Dealing with a combination of PTSS from her father's suicide and her own chemical imbalances (now treated with medication) hasn't been easy and I think most readers will finish the book admiring her strength and determination. She's a drama queen, but that volatility is her genetic heritage and she must live with it. She mentions that, had her father not committed suicide, she probably would have married a local boy, settled down close to her parents and grandparents, and had a far different life than she has lived. It's also possible that mental illness would have overwhelmed her, as it did her father and several of his family. She's not only a survivor, she has learned to face her problems and deal with them.
This book is a first-person account of the on-going trauma caused by suicide. For many centuries, most Christian churches condemned those who committed suicide, even denying them burial in church cemeteries. Today, we take a more "enlightened" view, but one thing hasn't changed. Those left behind are never the same again.
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Left Behind My Suicide Survivor Story eBook Vanessa Bednar Reviews
I purchased this book expecting to read about emotions and coping tools, not what Betty Sue wore to the pageant or why Sally Ann wasn't chosen. I think the author used a catchy title to relive her dreams of being a pageant queen. Can I get a refund?
Good Book
I gave this book a five star rating. It was a very enlightening, and interesting book. I lost my daughter early and my brother who i never decided mite have commented suicide. I have struggled too. Her book was very well written. Her struggle taught me a lot. Highly recommend this book to everyone especially if you have had this problem in your family.
This story is a wild ride. I know to expect a few errors in grammar and punctuation when reading self-published books on , but I don't let that take away from the message the author is trying to tell.
To me, this was a story about a woman who was met with tragedy at a young age, and how that tragedy shaped the rest of her life. It's not a how-to book. It's a this-is-what-I-did book. It's entertaining, sad, hopeful, and ultimately triumphant.
If you enjoy memoirs, this book is definitely worth a look.
This author remembers her childhood as a time of excitement and privilege. Her parents grew up next door to each other. After the birth of his daughter, her father built on the vacant lot between the two sets of grandparents. It was the uniting of two clans, just like a fairy tale. Even better, she was a Daddy's girl whose father indulged her with lavish gifts and made it plain that she (not her mother) was the important female in his life. She didn't think it was strange that she and her mother weren't allowed to cut their hair or that her father controlled every penny, even his wife's salary. That was just the way it was.
Then her father quit his job and became even more controlling. Unfortunately, his little girl had become a teenager with a mind of her own. One act of defiance was all it took. His daughter was now "dead" to him. In the ultimate act of revenge, he committed suicide. His only child was sixteen years old and spent the next twenty years hating herself for "killing" her father.
I read the first version of this book in June and I think the new edition is improved. The story is still somewhat rambling, but the author has included some new insights into both her actions and those of her parents. She has pieced together the history of her parents and their families bit by bit over decades, as to some extent we all do. In her case the information came from relatives reluctant to remember or talk about old shames and scandals. She has come to realize that both sides of her family were dysfunctional. Her father's family has a history of addiction, mental illness, and suicide. Her mother (raised by a generous, but domineering father and a passive mother) was unable to stand up for herself and demand respect.
The book is a compelling read because Ms. Bednar is unflinchingly honest in talking about her childhood, marriage, and raising her own children. Dealing with a combination of PTSS from her father's suicide and her own chemical imbalances (now treated with medication) hasn't been easy and I think most readers will finish the book admiring her strength and determination. She's a drama queen, but that volatility is her genetic heritage and she must live with it. She mentions that, had her father not committed suicide, she probably would have married a local boy, settled down close to her parents and grandparents, and had a far different life than she has lived. It's also possible that mental illness would have overwhelmed her, as it did her father and several of his family. She's not only a survivor, she has learned to face her problems and deal with them.
This book is a first-person account of the on-going trauma caused by suicide. For many centuries, most Christian churches condemned those who committed suicide, even denying them burial in church cemeteries. Today, we take a more "enlightened" view, but one thing hasn't changed. Those left behind are never the same again.
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